Arsenal Just Spent £260 at the Chelsea Megastore
That's assuming the physical store was running the online sale
Showing up to a party in the wrong outfit is one of the most humbling experiences a human being can have. Maybe you’re overdressed, underdressed, off-theme, taking the theme a little too seriously, wearing the same thing as someone else, or wearing something that looked good in the mirror in your room but now you’re not so sure about it…the list goes on. Another one of these humbling experiences is forgetting something obvious at home, and then having to buy a replacement for the short time you’re out. How much money has Duane Reade collectively taken from desperate New Yorkers forced to buy a $7 umbrella for a one-off deluge to then toss into a pile of umbrellas lying in the closet, bought earlier for the very same reason?
The ladies of Arsenal FC were humbled in every regard this evening at Stamford Bridge, where fashion faux pas’ were served alongside a 3-1 loss to the league leaders Chelsea. In front of a record crowd in West London, buzzing for one of the biggest games of the season, the teams took the pitch to warm up for a 19:00 GMT kick-off. They were promptly turned right around and the match was delayed by 30 minutes when it was realized that both teams were wearing white socks. Arsenal had shown up to the party in the wrong outfit.
Every house has its own rules, whether it be for a party or a football match. In the case of Stamford Bridge, the mandate is simple: visiting sides are forbidden from wearing white socks. This has been the case since the 1964/1965 season when the team’s coach Tommy Docherty decided to revolutionize his side’s look by going from white shorts with dark blue or black socks to shorts of the same blue shape of the jersey combined with white socks. This rule has continued to be upheld due to broadcasting deals that forbid opposing teams from wearing the same color in any part of the outfield kit. And it has long been respected, even by Real Madrid, whose nickname “Los Blancos” is derived from their historic commitment to an all-white uniform.
Arsenal were forced to do what all of us have been forced to do before—buy something that you forgot at home. The intern walked the corporate credit card over to the Chelsea Megastore and bought 20 pairs of Chelsea’s away socks. With the power of some good, old-fashioned innovative thinking, arts and crafts supplies, and brand loyalty, the Arsenal XI took the pitch 30 minutes later. Tape had been wrapped around the Nike logo, because while the Gunners might have been a bit embarrassed, they would not be embarrassed and getting a call from their sponsor, Adidas.
By my calculations, that bulk sock purchase cost The Arsenal about £260 (336 USD), and that’s if the 30% off sale that’s being run is available in-store, as well as online. To qualify for that discount, some poor Arsenal employee would have had to give the code “blues30” at checkout. The game was over before it started.
Within 32 minutes, the home side had scored 3 on the out-of-sorts visitors. It was a game that saw Arsenal not only wearing the merchandise of one of their biggest rivals but outclassed by them as well. The 3-1 win saw Chelsea go three points clear at the top of the WSL table and simultaneously put Arsenal’s title hopes almost entirely out of reach.
This is a lesson in dress codes and packing lists. If you look good, you feel good, and in this case, you play good. It’s also a reminder of the understated importance of the sock; an often overlooked element of your outfit. One day, you, like Arsenal, might wear the wrong socks and suffer devastating consequences.
Zoe, this piece is so hilariously good! Well done!